(About mothers) “Perhaps it takes courage to raise children." John Steinbeck
I read this quote a few months ago. I remember thinking 'there's no 'perhaps' about it!' Of course it does. There is no mother in this world that hasn't had to find the courage to put her child first above everything: work, relationships, and even their own life. For most, your child is always more important than anything else in this world; and it takes courage to keep going when you're exhausted, stressed, or in the midst of a crisis. Putting someone before your own needs comes as second nature to most mums, but it still takes courage to keep going during tough times, and in fact, during everyday challenges. Balancing a job, dealing with sickness, lack of sleep... Mums are amazing.
It takes even more courage to raise a child on your own. I think of how brave and courageous my own mother is to have done this with three young children: to put our own happiness first when it might have been easier to stay in a terrible relationship. Through the best and worst of times she has always put our needs first, and (I think!) did an amazing job at raising us. Even now she thinks of us first in everything she does. The single mums out there display courage and strength everyday.
It takes courage to want to be a mum too. So many of us can't just 'have a baby' as easily as that. Some beauty souls adopt to give a child the love and care they need. Some of us face grueling years of treatment to eventually have our 'miracle' babies. Some do fall pregnant and then loose their child. Some women never get the chance to be the mum they long to be. I'm always so mindful of those journeys now. And the love and courage these women find to keep going through everything is remarkable. They are extraordinarily brave and courageous women.
Being a mother to a child on this earth and one who is an angel is emotionally tough and quite a challenge to say the least. I struggle every day; and whether the challenge is missing Isaac or feeling guilt towards loving Isla just as much, I know that the one thing I have had to be is courageous. I have had to learn that's it's okay to love Isla. She is a huge blessing and the minute I saw her I was besotted. I had to believe it's okay to feel that way, as Isaac would have wanted that. He's still my first born. He still has the other half of my heart, despite him not being here. Before Isla came along I never thought I would be able to share my heart again. Whether people understand or not, it's taken courage to allow another child in to my heart. The guilt a bereaved mother feels after having a rainbow baby is huge. I think of Isaac every time Isla does something for the first time: walking, talking; singing... Raising her with that guilt is hard and takes every inch of my courage not to shout out that her big brother should be here to show her how it's done. Courage. That's what angel mums have to show each day. Even at the best of times, it can still take courage just to smile. I do it because I have been blessed with a beautiful baby to look after here on this earth. May be one day I will go to Isaac and be his mum there 'for real' too.
It has to be acknowledged that today is a very difficult day for some of my friends and family who are missing their own mothers too. Loss on significant days like this is magnified. How could it not be? You are all in my thoughts.
Wanting, having and raising children does take courage. There is no doubt about that. To all those women out there, whether you are celebrating Mothers Day or not, whatever your reasons, you're amazing. ❤️
