To those of you who do not have their mothers with you, I hope you find a way to remember and honour their memory. May the day pass gently for you.
I know how fortunate I am. I'm so very blessed to have my wonderful Isla! I am also so lucky to have an amazing mother, and a great mother in law. All in all, I should be feeling so very happy and satisfied today. However, I'm not really content and without sorrow on this occasion. I have no Isaac here.
It was a day I used to long for in the past when we were trying for a baby; a day I dreaded after Isaac; and now Isla is here, I have bittersweet feeling towards it. Every mother should be honoured on such a day (if not everyday!) but to those of us who have lost children what is there to look forward to? It's a day where we cry. It's a day where we find some way to torture ourselves with 'what ifs'. We find ways to blame ourselves, and even sometimes feel envy and resentment towards those who get the honour of such a day with all their children. For angel mothers it's a day where we go to our child's grave/garden/memory box and stare emptily at this heartbreaking memorial as we know they aren't really there. No card or flowers; no pampering; no child to hug. All in all, it is a day angel mothers could do without. It's bloody hard.
I know that along with celebrating the wonderful mother I have and being grateful for my loving daughter, I will feel grief today. I don't have one of the loves of my life here. Of course it is comforting to know Isaac has become a symbol of strength and love to many. Lots of amazing things have been done in his memory, and his legacy has helped many. I'm so proud of him. I also know that I was blessed to have him for a short while, and believe me when I say I've been told that by a number of people(!), but it really wasn't enough. I feel cheated, bitter and guilty a lot of the time, and I hate that I can't feel satisfied with what I have. But then why would I? Is Isaac any less important than Isla? Of course not. The only difference is I have her here to care for. I've had no choice but to intrust him to a higher power. But I'm still his mother. He is still the little boy I carried for 9 months; touched and held for 6 days. The little boy who I buried with a piece of my heart. And I will love him for eternity with what I have left, and with just as much love as I have for Isla, because I am his Mum. Always.
I think about my fellow angel Mums today and I just want them to remember they are still mothers to their angel babies and children who they will forever cherish. We may not get cards or gifts of thanks, but we don't really need them. Just being acknowledged as a Mum is all that's needed. So I want to acknowledge my fellow angel Mum's today. We loved our babies and they felt every fraction of that love whilst we had them. That's what makes us mothers. Love. ❤️
It was a day I used to long for in the past when we were trying for a baby; a day I dreaded after Isaac; and now Isla is here, I have bittersweet feeling towards it. Every mother should be honoured on such a day (if not everyday!) but to those of us who have lost children what is there to look forward to? It's a day where we cry. It's a day where we find some way to torture ourselves with 'what ifs'. We find ways to blame ourselves, and even sometimes feel envy and resentment towards those who get the honour of such a day with all their children. For angel mothers it's a day where we go to our child's grave/garden/memory box and stare emptily at this heartbreaking memorial as we know they aren't really there. No card or flowers; no pampering; no child to hug. All in all, it is a day angel mothers could do without. It's bloody hard.
I know that along with celebrating the wonderful mother I have and being grateful for my loving daughter, I will feel grief today. I don't have one of the loves of my life here. Of course it is comforting to know Isaac has become a symbol of strength and love to many. Lots of amazing things have been done in his memory, and his legacy has helped many. I'm so proud of him. I also know that I was blessed to have him for a short while, and believe me when I say I've been told that by a number of people(!), but it really wasn't enough. I feel cheated, bitter and guilty a lot of the time, and I hate that I can't feel satisfied with what I have. But then why would I? Is Isaac any less important than Isla? Of course not. The only difference is I have her here to care for. I've had no choice but to intrust him to a higher power. But I'm still his mother. He is still the little boy I carried for 9 months; touched and held for 6 days. The little boy who I buried with a piece of my heart. And I will love him for eternity with what I have left, and with just as much love as I have for Isla, because I am his Mum. Always.
I think about my fellow angel Mums today and I just want them to remember they are still mothers to their angel babies and children who they will forever cherish. We may not get cards or gifts of thanks, but we don't really need them. Just being acknowledged as a Mum is all that's needed. So I want to acknowledge my fellow angel Mum's today. We loved our babies and they felt every fraction of that love whilst we had them. That's what makes us mothers. Love. ❤️
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