The one thing that always struck me about St.Thomas' was how kind the staff were. Nothing was too much trouble for them. The whole time Isaac was on life support they gave us all constant care and attention. They treated us like parents, despite us being unable to really care for him. They went out of their way to teach us how to put a nappy on him through the mass of wires and tubes. The staff literally performed a game of 'Risk' by moving him gently out of his crib without compromising his life support, just so we could hold him. And at the end, they showed compassion and kindness by making sure we had some alone time with Isaac. 'Kind' is very much the word that sums the staff up. Even after Isaac died, they spent months looking after us through counselling. Isaac's Neonatal consultant and nurses have even stayed in touch to this day. Nothing was too much trouble for them, and they were genuinely concerned for all our welfare.
In the early days after Isaac's passing, the kindness of others was something we relied on too. We relied on people to feed us; tell us what to do; and to keep us going. Basically they kept us alive. Nothing really mattered, and if it wasn't for the kindness of family and friends i may not have been here to write this. Sounds dramatic doesn't it? But it's true. I cared nothing for my life for a long time. In fact, the thought of dying to be with my son was almost preferable to living this 'existence' we found ourselves in. Grieving very much relies on the kindness of others. Without their support we would have been able to take the time to process what was happening.
Further down the line when we started to learn how to live again, nothing could prepare us for the awkward conversations we were increasingly having with people. Why aren't I 'over it'? Why can't you come to so and so's baby shower/christening/birthday party? Why couldn't you just be the Simone you once were? The answers were simple. Because my son shouldn't have died...We tried so long to have him...I don't know how to be 'that' Simone anymore... It became frustrating and difficult. A few friends gave up on us. Some just couldn't deal with how sad the situation was. However, there were people in our lives that just 'got it'. Their empathy and understanding made everything simpler. They listened, waited and gently placed their hands on our shoulders as we learnt to walk through a minefield of grief that tripped us up on regular occasions. It was a long and complicated journey, and still is at times, but these people showed the true meaning of compassion and kindness by not giving up on us.
Even four years on, those small acts of kindness mean so much to us. A card at Christmas or birthdays where Isaac's name is mentioned acknowledges that we are still his parents. Asking us how we are doing with Isaac related matters helps keep his name alive. Understanding that the lovely news of pregnancies and births are always going to be a little sensitive, but handling it kindly and quietly helps. We are always so happy to hear people's exciting news; it just takes us a moment to absorb. To any grieving parent these kind acts mean so much.
When thinking about ways to mark Isaac's birthday this year we wanted to celebrate the kindness of others. So much kindness that been shown to us since his passing. So many people have raised awareness of the good work St.Thomas' and the Evelina Children's Hospital do by taking on challenges to raise money for them. Many people are now breaking the taboo and speaking about baby loss more openly. We still see the kindness of others as they remember our son each year. We decided to celebrate all the good that people do by asking everyone to do one Act of Kindness in memory of Isaac. It seemed fitting seeing as his memory has inspired so many to do good in the past. And you know what? People have rallied around and really supported this event. So many have requested Acts of Kindness tokens and it makes me smile to think that people are going out in to the world and spreading a little bit of happiness.
And thats what Isaac's legacy is: doing good for others. In his memory so much has been done to help those who are ill, grieving, or in need of help. I can only imagine how proud and touched he would be at everyone's kindness, because that's how we feel.
Happy birthday little man. You're still doing us proud, and helping to spread kindness just by being you. That in itself is the best birthday present anyone could ask for.
Love always and forever,
Mummy, Daddy and Isla.
XxX.
If you would like to donate to the Evelina Children's' Hospital and/or receive an Act of Kindness, please go to:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserPage.action?userUrl=runningforisaac&pageUrl=13
Thank you.
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