Dear Isaac,
Today you are 1 year
old.
Today I should have been helping you rip the paper off the
many presents we would have spoilt you rotten with.
Today we should have
been cuddling you tight and counting our blessings, except we’re not.
So, how did we get here? Why on earth am I writing this
instead of doing all the above? These are questions I ask all the time, and
since we lost you there have been so many 'whys’. I still don't understand why
you had to die. I wonder what I did wrong to make this happen. I wonder why the hospital didn't act
sooner. Maybe one day we’ll get some answers,
but in the meantime I will keep questioning.
And in terms of why I’m here writing this? I never had the chance to
tell you all the things a mother wants to say to her child. Over the next six
days I will try to.
l wanted you to know how much we wanted you; how much we
loved you. I wanted to share stories
about our family and friends with you. I would have told you all about the
people they are and how they were so looking forward to meeting you. I can't
ever have those conversations with you now, or see your reactions to these
little anecdotes and stories. I won't
ever see you smile or hear your laugh. I can only imagine your responses. So
'here' is simply the place for me be your Mummy. It's a place where I shall try
and be honest. It's a place to remember you. Because even though you're not
here anymore, I still want to be your Mummy. We got ‘here’ because I love you
Isaac, and I don't know how else to tell you.
My birthday present to you Isaac is this. I am going to write to you every day for six
days to mark the time we had together. I
will share with you all the things I would have done if you were here in
person, and some things I would never have had to say if you hadn’t had to
leave us. I will start with something
simple though: happy 1st
birthday my darling son. May you feel
the enormity of the love we have for you from where you are. This day means so many things, but the most
important one being that you were given to us a year ago, and for that we are
truly grateful. You may have left us
sooner than anyone could ever have imagined, but not one day goes by that we do
not thank God for you.
Until tomorrow.
Love always, Mummy. XxX.
http://www.virginmoneygiving.com/runningforisaac
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